Mad King Ludwig's Texas Bunkroom

It's been too long since we Zillowed

If you’re newish here: This is something we do sometimes. You can read about why.

The main attraction today is a really questionable castle, but you can’t jump straight to castle, you have to warm up first.

So here’s something to shock the palette:

We all awake now? I am convinced that the owner has eight tiny white dogs.

Then we’ll move on to some nifty art:

Also, are those diplomas below the light fixtures? Because if this turns out to be someone’s in-home therapy office I’m into it.

And then this in-home movie theater that’s somehow both beige and haunted:

We really need to talk about sarcophagus placement. You’re going to want to put your sarcophagus in a dedicated sarcophagus alcove. Letting it block the door to your dungeon like this is suboptimal Feng Shui.

I love a room that was clearly designed for ghosts. This one has a nice little ghost bench, and they can stare out the window all day at the brick wall where the plague doctor’s house once stood.

Okay, you should be braced for the castle now. But is one ever really prepared for a castle in the middle of Texas?

Somehow the lack of any water feature at all is what does it for me. You’re gonna build yourself a whole-ass castle and not dig yourself a moat? A little koi pond?

The story here is that apparently the owners toured Neuschwanstein Castle in Germany in the ‘90s and saw vague sketches for one of Mad King Ludwig’s other ideas (never completed) and decided to build the thing.

Cool idea, but there are problems inherent in the modern Texas castle. To wit: What can you possibly do with this room besides joust in it?

And how do you fill the walls around your altar? (The answer, apparently, is with eight tiny frescoes that kind of look like college dorm posters.)

Fifty bucks that there’s that Blues Brothers one on the backside

And then you end up dealing with Mad King Ludwig’s Bavarian television den:

And if you decide NOT to go with the original chamber pot scheme, you have to kind of paint the bathroom walls to look old-timey:

And also YOUR POOR CHILDREN!

(Of note: The couple’s son is the one who turned the place into a wedding venue and is now selling it for fourteen million. I have so many questions for him.)

And after the jump, something I’ve never seen on Zillow before and will probably never see again…