A Quick Holiday Mystery

I'll never get over this photo

The year was probably 1982. The place was a preschool classroom on Chicago’s North Shore. The event was… some kind of Christmasy thing.

I’m the little one stage right (photo left), wearing a Hungarian dress that’s too short for me. And I’ve been wondering for years about the kid whose hand I’m holding.

I have posted this photo several times on social media, asking for interpretations, and we have not come to a consensus.

Here are the possibilities:

1. We were doing some elaborate preschool production of A Christmas Carol, and this kid was one of the ghosts. (Unlikely.)

2. The kid’s mom, at 8 am, was like “You need a costume today? Are you f*%&ing kidding me, Jason? I don’t care, go find your Halloween one.”

3. Jewish family protesting these Christmas-centric festivities.

4. This was a toddler so obsessed with Grimace that he got his mom to make him a Grimace costume to wear around the house, and then he pitched an absolute fit when she tried to make him wear the assigned Christmas gear, so she gave up and let him be Grimace again.

5. Witness protection program; he walked around like this all year and I’ve blocked it.

6. Some kind of Christmas mouse (as in, “not a creature was stirring, not even a”) which would make total sense if he turned around and we saw his tail.

7. Four-year-old nihilist (now a philosophy professor at Sarah Lawrence) expressing that all values are baseless and knowledge is impossible.

8. Lump of coal?

Do you have another theory? Was that YOU, and it’s all coming back to you now?

Let me know. Please.

And happy holidays; remember that eggnog is a protein.