I…literally could have written this. Every word. Even the weird way you open boxes! My husband has been known to post photos of boxes I’ve opened and comment that a wild animal may have gotten into our kitchen. Anyway I love that you list the superpowers too, because they are real! And my daughter with ADD has these superpowers also; my husband can only read one book at a time while we’re reading five and working on three different books and seven art projects. Also the way we tell as story - I’ve described it as the Simpsons opening, where you go through about ten minutes of Rube Goldberg before you get to the story! Anyway, whew, loved this. All I can do with my weird life is make art and write.
This is fascinating. I’ve often thought about getting tested. I’m really looking forward to the solutions you’ve found. I take extensive notes at meetings and lectures even if I don’t need the info, because if I don’t I will not be able to pay attention AT ALL. One problem I have is when I mention feeling like I might have this people immediately say, you couldn’t possibly be ADHD, you write books. It’s a relief to hear it’s common for writers.
Also yes to the spatial issues. So much yes!!! That I have been diagnosed with, when I was young. And multitasking--I cannot be on a treadmill or recumbent bike without reading or watching something--I feel like I will lose my mind. And one of my tricks to get myself to work on boring tasks is to listen to something, usually NPR, in the background. If I don’t have something even to “tune out,” I’ll procrastinate endlessly on stuff like that.
Almost twins separated, somewhere in the Austro-Hungarian Empire. I have a keen sense of direction, but I step on people because I lack a spatial sense of myself. Self-medicating with Joe as I fear the process of getting diagnosed with anything and there is a high co-morbidity with ASD. Oddly, walking my large goldie helps, as does intense exercise which, in my seniority, is 10,000 steps/day, and Aikido (think circular trips through the air). Getting this first draft done has been very challenging as has this MFA application. I am more fearful of getting in than being rejected.
This gives me hope that I can be a writer! Thanks for writing this. Late diagnosed ADHDer here, and I’ve been grappling with my life history and new understanding of my brain for the last year. It’s a wild ride, and I agree with everything you said so well here. Also, I fully agree that beautiful ND brains evolved for a reason and are only a “problem” in our ridiculously individualistic society designed only for neurotypical folks. But, alas, I still have laundry to put away, too.
This piece is incredibly helpful, Rebecca!! You explain so much about ADHD, and I'm suddenly understanding a couple of beloved people in my life. I'm so irritated with myself that I didn't think of this as a possible diagnosis. I think what has thrown me off is the fact that often people with this condition CAN be amazingly focused, for hours, on something they're interested in.
Thank you for writing so honestly about ADHD and how it has affected your life and writing. For those of us who are neurotypical, I appreciate so much the awareness I gain from someone whose brain works differently from the norm and can share that with me so I can be a more empathetic human.
Thank you! I relate to all of this. I was brilliant at structuring my work for decades without needing to do work I wasn’t interested in. Taking an academic admin job was a disaster. For the first time, I couldn’t make myself do work that was imminently due. Deadlines would pass and I’d watch them. And still not do the job. I have a form Matt filled out for me to get a new social security card 9 years ago sitting in my kitchen. All I have to do is go to that office.
I will never go to that office.
I was diagnosed maybe 4 years ago and it came as a complete shock to me. My son’s doctor threw in a diagnosis for me when she diagnosed him. I think it’s because I was professionally accomplished and didn’t notice my struggles to manage daily life because I wasn’t paying attention and never had. Medication helps but it also doesn’t. I’m still not going to the social security office.
I think that our health care system needs to include Hogwarts Owls to deliver ADHD medications, ideally directly into the mouths of people with ADHD. Especially with the mid-day dose, which I have a 1 in 4 chance of taking.
I’m going to show this to Matt. I have tried to explain what goes wrong when I try to put laundry away before and I just say, “and then If You Give a Mouse a Cookie becomes my actual life.”
I realized that some of my hyperactivity is cognitive. Only recently did I realize everyone doesn’t have a Brain DJ making mashups of three different songs all day. And I never understood why my family was confused when I’d say something aloud, revealing whatever dialogue was running in my mind all the time. I assumed they had that too.
I suspect you also have this and that your Zillow hunting fits in. My niece (who is a writer and has ADHD) and I concluded that there’s a pair of rats in our brains who demand to have sensory input or they will start clashing cymbals. My rats are detectives, wearing little Sherlock Holmes caps, and they need to be on a case at all times. They need data and problems to solve.
I’d love to share this post and next week’s with some student writers.
I'll really look forward to the second part of this. So much of what you and the commenters mention are my behaviors. I sat back at this: "I very often decide to put something both easy and incredibly fun and exciting into the 'impossible' category." My favorite impulse buys are of course books, but I'll order them, and when they arrive, not open them. There are three packages piled in my kitchen right now...ok, thanks, I just opened them! I worry this could be a factor in my inability to finish a draft, when writing and reading are the single most pleasurable things I do, when sitting in the world of my novel is the thing I most stubbornly put off until "everything else" (nonsense tasks) is done.
Hi, data analyst with ADHD here 👋🏻. Yeah it's been a struggle. I've worked myself into a dead end and I'm starting to realize I should be writing instead of writing code and analyzing things.
But also, as is so often the case when reading about ADHD, I can relate to about half of it, and the other half sounds very different than my experience. I'm terrible at multitasking. I start many books and get sidetracked by other books, but can't read them at the same time, or while on the elliptical. Maybe I have some weird hybrid of ADHD and something else...
I am fighting back the tears of stunned recognition. Also about to tune into a Zoom (at which you’ll be talking, funnily enough) and my mind will probably keep hopping back to this post instead of thinking about the random bits of my unfinished novel. In December I begin the series of evaluation appointments to learn if, in addition to his flair for languages, my son inherited his ADD from me.
I do hope this was as cathartic for you to write as it was for this fellow ADHD-afflicted writer to read. In fact, it had everything to do with crystal meth being my drug of choice. Upon getting high, my first laser-focused priority was hooking up, of course, but after that was handled, I wrote an extraordinary amount of poetry, and I could work on one of those bad boys for many many hours, (and they still hold up, amazingly). I also developed the impressive forgery skills (e.g. one's own death certificate) that landed me in prison. Anxious not to screw with complete sobriety upon my release, it was several years before my doc and I decided low-dose Adderall, carefully monitored, might be advisable. Within a few years I'd gotten that Master's Degree I always wanted to get, and finally wrote my book about my time inside, and THEN turned into the workaholic subtitler I am today, as I never put that nest egg together in those misbegotten years of making the entirely logical assumption that I was on the two-year plan all HIV+ men made in the 80s and 90s. (Look how much info I stuffed into that sentence?)
The working-as-much-as-I can presents a big challenge because I never have enough time to keep hyperfocus on a book going - a day's work is always interrupted soon by 10 straight work-work days -- and I find momentum is personally vital for constructing a second book. Essays and short-stories I can squeeze in, because only a day or two of hyperfocus is required. But I need the gratification of seeing something finished. (Finally got my first essay in the Gay & Lesbian Review, though!) The marshalled-ADHD is good for juggling a lot of subtitling projects though, which are done in stages.
I too am grateful for a deeply associative brain - Wikipedia fugues are many and I would be a killer conversationalist at any dinner party, (if anyone had them any more), having inevitably just read up on who invented trains, or why French Belgium doesn't join France and Flemish Belgium, Holland, or what Romance language uses the informal voice most in advertisements. Details which can serve to texturize my fictional characters -- if I can ever get back to writing them.
This throughly ADHD-infused comment-writing was definitely cathartic for me, so thank-you.
Amber Sparks took the words out of my mouth. "I... literally could have written this. Every word."
Even though I have about 16 years on you, and I'm male (not that it matters), what you described is exactly what my life is like. I'm not a successful author like you, but I've written screenplays that have been produced, and I have been teaching dramatic and visual writing for over twenty years. So yes, we, the ADHD ones, can live more or less normal lives. Like your father, I came to the US from Eastern Europe (USSR in my case), so I've never been diagnosed with ADHD (in the old world, if you behave differently, you spend half a day on your knees in a closet). But I know I have it (and I guess I've always known it).
For the first sixteen years of my life, I was rebuked and punished by my parents for being a total failure at exact sciences, and for the next forty, I was punishing myself for not succeeding at normal professions. Only in the last several years, as my retirement is looming large, have I been able to go easy on myself.
I love reading while standing or while walking on the beach (so I don’t bump into innocent folks), and it’s hard for me to write unless I’m writing with a partner. I, too, tune out at literary events, have trouble concentrating on the simplest tasks, and feel like my sense of direction has been surgically removed at birth. Once, I turned down a well-paying writing project offered to me by Sony Japan because, for the life of me, I couldn’t get myself to concentrate on it. Yet, I can spend hours (without eating or bathroom breaks) editing my photos or writing a short story or song. It’s all very entertaining and amusing to others, but it’s a pain to live with.
Reading this makes my heart so happy! I was diagnosed with ADHD a couple years ago and I'm now in my late 40s. I’m also a mom to an 11yo with ADHD, and, once diagnosed, I immediately decided I would claim it loudly and publicly so he will be less likely to feel the stigma. Though I started claiming ADHD aloud for him, I quickly realized how empowering it feels for me too…we women with ADHD have been invisible for far too long…even to ourselves, pre-diagnosis. Claiming this aloud has felt almost magical…the more I say it out loud, the more women I meet, professionally and socially, who say, “Oh hey, me too!” And the more I realize I am not alone at all. Thank you so much for writing this…for claiming it, for educating some on what ADHD actually is, and for validating the experiences of those of us living with it. (Also... I always call out “Sidebar!” before going off on another tangent!)
I…literally could have written this. Every word. Even the weird way you open boxes! My husband has been known to post photos of boxes I’ve opened and comment that a wild animal may have gotten into our kitchen. Anyway I love that you list the superpowers too, because they are real! And my daughter with ADD has these superpowers also; my husband can only read one book at a time while we’re reading five and working on three different books and seven art projects. Also the way we tell as story - I’ve described it as the Simpsons opening, where you go through about ten minutes of Rube Goldberg before you get to the story! Anyway, whew, loved this. All I can do with my weird life is make art and write.
This is fascinating. I’ve often thought about getting tested. I’m really looking forward to the solutions you’ve found. I take extensive notes at meetings and lectures even if I don’t need the info, because if I don’t I will not be able to pay attention AT ALL. One problem I have is when I mention feeling like I might have this people immediately say, you couldn’t possibly be ADHD, you write books. It’s a relief to hear it’s common for writers.
Also yes to the spatial issues. So much yes!!! That I have been diagnosed with, when I was young. And multitasking--I cannot be on a treadmill or recumbent bike without reading or watching something--I feel like I will lose my mind. And one of my tricks to get myself to work on boring tasks is to listen to something, usually NPR, in the background. If I don’t have something even to “tune out,” I’ll procrastinate endlessly on stuff like that.
Almost twins separated, somewhere in the Austro-Hungarian Empire. I have a keen sense of direction, but I step on people because I lack a spatial sense of myself. Self-medicating with Joe as I fear the process of getting diagnosed with anything and there is a high co-morbidity with ASD. Oddly, walking my large goldie helps, as does intense exercise which, in my seniority, is 10,000 steps/day, and Aikido (think circular trips through the air). Getting this first draft done has been very challenging as has this MFA application. I am more fearful of getting in than being rejected.
This is me. Diagnosed at 50, finally able to write full time. Hope I'm not starting too late...
This gives me hope that I can be a writer! Thanks for writing this. Late diagnosed ADHDer here, and I’ve been grappling with my life history and new understanding of my brain for the last year. It’s a wild ride, and I agree with everything you said so well here. Also, I fully agree that beautiful ND brains evolved for a reason and are only a “problem” in our ridiculously individualistic society designed only for neurotypical folks. But, alas, I still have laundry to put away, too.
This piece is incredibly helpful, Rebecca!! You explain so much about ADHD, and I'm suddenly understanding a couple of beloved people in my life. I'm so irritated with myself that I didn't think of this as a possible diagnosis. I think what has thrown me off is the fact that often people with this condition CAN be amazingly focused, for hours, on something they're interested in.
So much gratitude for this. You are the bestest.
Thank you for writing so honestly about ADHD and how it has affected your life and writing. For those of us who are neurotypical, I appreciate so much the awareness I gain from someone whose brain works differently from the norm and can share that with me so I can be a more empathetic human.
Thank you! I relate to all of this. I was brilliant at structuring my work for decades without needing to do work I wasn’t interested in. Taking an academic admin job was a disaster. For the first time, I couldn’t make myself do work that was imminently due. Deadlines would pass and I’d watch them. And still not do the job. I have a form Matt filled out for me to get a new social security card 9 years ago sitting in my kitchen. All I have to do is go to that office.
I will never go to that office.
I was diagnosed maybe 4 years ago and it came as a complete shock to me. My son’s doctor threw in a diagnosis for me when she diagnosed him. I think it’s because I was professionally accomplished and didn’t notice my struggles to manage daily life because I wasn’t paying attention and never had. Medication helps but it also doesn’t. I’m still not going to the social security office.
I think that our health care system needs to include Hogwarts Owls to deliver ADHD medications, ideally directly into the mouths of people with ADHD. Especially with the mid-day dose, which I have a 1 in 4 chance of taking.
I’m going to show this to Matt. I have tried to explain what goes wrong when I try to put laundry away before and I just say, “and then If You Give a Mouse a Cookie becomes my actual life.”
I realized that some of my hyperactivity is cognitive. Only recently did I realize everyone doesn’t have a Brain DJ making mashups of three different songs all day. And I never understood why my family was confused when I’d say something aloud, revealing whatever dialogue was running in my mind all the time. I assumed they had that too.
And here’s me telling any story:
https://youtu.be/vk7OGX-s0aI?si=GQhQRC_39f1Tzjkm
I suspect you also have this and that your Zillow hunting fits in. My niece (who is a writer and has ADHD) and I concluded that there’s a pair of rats in our brains who demand to have sensory input or they will start clashing cymbals. My rats are detectives, wearing little Sherlock Holmes caps, and they need to be on a case at all times. They need data and problems to solve.
I’d love to share this post and next week’s with some student writers.
I'll really look forward to the second part of this. So much of what you and the commenters mention are my behaviors. I sat back at this: "I very often decide to put something both easy and incredibly fun and exciting into the 'impossible' category." My favorite impulse buys are of course books, but I'll order them, and when they arrive, not open them. There are three packages piled in my kitchen right now...ok, thanks, I just opened them! I worry this could be a factor in my inability to finish a draft, when writing and reading are the single most pleasurable things I do, when sitting in the world of my novel is the thing I most stubbornly put off until "everything else" (nonsense tasks) is done.
Hi, data analyst with ADHD here 👋🏻. Yeah it's been a struggle. I've worked myself into a dead end and I'm starting to realize I should be writing instead of writing code and analyzing things.
But also, as is so often the case when reading about ADHD, I can relate to about half of it, and the other half sounds very different than my experience. I'm terrible at multitasking. I start many books and get sidetracked by other books, but can't read them at the same time, or while on the elliptical. Maybe I have some weird hybrid of ADHD and something else...
I am fighting back the tears of stunned recognition. Also about to tune into a Zoom (at which you’ll be talking, funnily enough) and my mind will probably keep hopping back to this post instead of thinking about the random bits of my unfinished novel. In December I begin the series of evaluation appointments to learn if, in addition to his flair for languages, my son inherited his ADD from me.
I bet I know the answer to that already.
Thanks for writing this. It rings true for some of my friends and family, so I now have a better idea of what they’re working with.
I do hope this was as cathartic for you to write as it was for this fellow ADHD-afflicted writer to read. In fact, it had everything to do with crystal meth being my drug of choice. Upon getting high, my first laser-focused priority was hooking up, of course, but after that was handled, I wrote an extraordinary amount of poetry, and I could work on one of those bad boys for many many hours, (and they still hold up, amazingly). I also developed the impressive forgery skills (e.g. one's own death certificate) that landed me in prison. Anxious not to screw with complete sobriety upon my release, it was several years before my doc and I decided low-dose Adderall, carefully monitored, might be advisable. Within a few years I'd gotten that Master's Degree I always wanted to get, and finally wrote my book about my time inside, and THEN turned into the workaholic subtitler I am today, as I never put that nest egg together in those misbegotten years of making the entirely logical assumption that I was on the two-year plan all HIV+ men made in the 80s and 90s. (Look how much info I stuffed into that sentence?)
The working-as-much-as-I can presents a big challenge because I never have enough time to keep hyperfocus on a book going - a day's work is always interrupted soon by 10 straight work-work days -- and I find momentum is personally vital for constructing a second book. Essays and short-stories I can squeeze in, because only a day or two of hyperfocus is required. But I need the gratification of seeing something finished. (Finally got my first essay in the Gay & Lesbian Review, though!) The marshalled-ADHD is good for juggling a lot of subtitling projects though, which are done in stages.
I too am grateful for a deeply associative brain - Wikipedia fugues are many and I would be a killer conversationalist at any dinner party, (if anyone had them any more), having inevitably just read up on who invented trains, or why French Belgium doesn't join France and Flemish Belgium, Holland, or what Romance language uses the informal voice most in advertisements. Details which can serve to texturize my fictional characters -- if I can ever get back to writing them.
This throughly ADHD-infused comment-writing was definitely cathartic for me, so thank-you.
Amber Sparks took the words out of my mouth. "I... literally could have written this. Every word."
Even though I have about 16 years on you, and I'm male (not that it matters), what you described is exactly what my life is like. I'm not a successful author like you, but I've written screenplays that have been produced, and I have been teaching dramatic and visual writing for over twenty years. So yes, we, the ADHD ones, can live more or less normal lives. Like your father, I came to the US from Eastern Europe (USSR in my case), so I've never been diagnosed with ADHD (in the old world, if you behave differently, you spend half a day on your knees in a closet). But I know I have it (and I guess I've always known it).
For the first sixteen years of my life, I was rebuked and punished by my parents for being a total failure at exact sciences, and for the next forty, I was punishing myself for not succeeding at normal professions. Only in the last several years, as my retirement is looming large, have I been able to go easy on myself.
I love reading while standing or while walking on the beach (so I don’t bump into innocent folks), and it’s hard for me to write unless I’m writing with a partner. I, too, tune out at literary events, have trouble concentrating on the simplest tasks, and feel like my sense of direction has been surgically removed at birth. Once, I turned down a well-paying writing project offered to me by Sony Japan because, for the life of me, I couldn’t get myself to concentrate on it. Yet, I can spend hours (without eating or bathroom breaks) editing my photos or writing a short story or song. It’s all very entertaining and amusing to others, but it’s a pain to live with.
Anyway, just wanted to thank you.
Reading this makes my heart so happy! I was diagnosed with ADHD a couple years ago and I'm now in my late 40s. I’m also a mom to an 11yo with ADHD, and, once diagnosed, I immediately decided I would claim it loudly and publicly so he will be less likely to feel the stigma. Though I started claiming ADHD aloud for him, I quickly realized how empowering it feels for me too…we women with ADHD have been invisible for far too long…even to ourselves, pre-diagnosis. Claiming this aloud has felt almost magical…the more I say it out loud, the more women I meet, professionally and socially, who say, “Oh hey, me too!” And the more I realize I am not alone at all. Thank you so much for writing this…for claiming it, for educating some on what ADHD actually is, and for validating the experiences of those of us living with it. (Also... I always call out “Sidebar!” before going off on another tangent!)