The Near Future, the Recent Past...

and Margaret Atwood in the Penis Museum

Here are four things I’m about to do:

1) Speak at this amazing political event in Chicago on Sunday, which you should attend:

Honestly, two days before the election you’re going to want to be somewhere supportive and galvanizing.

Hosted by restaurateur/activist Rohini Dey at her legendary Chicago restaurant Vermillion, this event will feature the above women standing on a literal soapbox (Will I fall off? Maybe!) and talking briefly about policy. Not “Hey, we should vote,” but specific info and calls to action that will be vital no matter what happens on 11/5. It’s also a fundraiser for the Harris campaign—money this late in the game being essential for legal battles likely ahead. Lots of gourmet food, all genders welcome. Tickets are here!

2) Quit X

This is hard to do partly for sentimental reasons, the same reasons it would be hard to throw away old scrapbooks. I often had a blast on there, and there are some really meaningful friendships that started from mutual follows or direct messages. Then again, in the analogue world we aren’t usually able to hold onto, and revisit, the origins of a friendship.

I also stayed on there to fact-shame right-wingers, but it’s not worth patronizing hell just to argue with the demons.

I haven’t posted original content beyond promo stuff in ages, but it’s still important to quit, and I urge everyone to join me on Threads, which is really fun. I’ll likely keep X through election night and then (before the terms of service change in horrible ways that make a hellish place more hellish), I’ll delete absolutely everything and (maybe?) just keep my handle up as a placeholder so no one takes it. Anyway: If you’re still there, please quit with me.

3) Teach a Short Story Class Online

I’ve posted about this before, so I’ll just keep it brief: Join, and I’ll teach you literally everything I know about writing and revising short stories and placing them in magazines and putting together collections. Four sessions starting 11/12; you can watch live or on recording.

4) Get Dressed Up

The CHIRBy (Chicago Review of Books) Awards have always been a low-key and invite-only thing in a bookstore, except for the one year we went big. That was a blast, and Chicago deserves the kind of dress-up-and-celebrate books event that NYC has so many of, so… we’re doing that again. Stories Matter Foundation (the nonprofit umbrella for StoryStudio Chicago and the CHIRB) is throwing an actual bash, and I’m hosting, and you should come if you’re local. We want the entire Chicago writing world to show up… Snacks, drinks, socializing, photos, and awards, downtown in the Fine Arts Building. Tickets are free, but a small donation is requested to allow the CHIRB to continue its amazing work.

And here are four things I already did:

1) I got to read a Jhumpa Lahiri story for the New Yorker Fiction Podcast!

I was able to choose any New Yorker story that hadn’t been done yet and was short enough, and I was kind of shocked to learn no one had ever picked Lahiri.

I could honestly live a thousand years and never get tired of seeing my name in New Yorker font…

“The Third and Final Continent” was a tremendously emotional story for me to read—you can hear why in the interview after the reading—but I had a blast doing it.

2) I Wrote About Not Throwing Away Your Precious Vote

The 270 Reasons project asked 270 people (George Saunders, Khaled Hosseini, Percival Everett, Jeff Daniels…) to write briefly about why they’re voting for Harris. I love these essays (Dave Eggers’ essay is particularly useful for showing any decently-educated Republicans), and I was thrilled to write one. Mine is aimed specifically at the most liberal among us, those considering a protest vote. You can read it here.

3) I Interviewed Susan Choi and Now You Can Watch It

I really needed a haircut at this point. I’ve obtained one since! Susan’s jumpsuit was a really cool shade of green.

I recently interviewed the brilliant Susan Choi about her entire body of work, and now the video is up right here.

4) I Interviewed Margaret Atwood and…

Okay, here’s a mini photo essay:

Earlier this month, I got to interview Margaret Atwood for an event through WBEZ and the University Club of Chicago. She was hilarious and brilliant, of course.

Here we are skipping off into the sunset:

But!! Since the event was in the Art Institute of Chicago’s theater space, she got a private tour beforehand in the closed museum, which I got to tag along on. The photos are by David T. Kindler, who should be in charge of all author event photos forever.

At this point, I was fairly convinced I was dreaming.

AIC regulars will know what we were looking at here.

We ended up in the Greek and Roman gallery, in front of the statue of Leda and the swan:

Whereupon, after a brief discussion of bird genitalia, Margaret Atwood started telling us at length about the Reykjavik Penis Museum (which, upon further investigation, seems to technically be called the Icelandic Phallological Museum.

Anyway, if you ever wondered what Margaret Atwood is like in real life, the answer is: More like Margaret Atwood than you could possibly imagine.

That’s all, but now that I’ve discovered it, I really need to leave you with this quote from the Icelandic Phallological Museum’s Wikipedia page: “In July 2011, the museum obtained its first human penis, one of many promised by would-be donors. Its detachment from the donor's body did not go according to plan…”

As well as this unhinged logo:

You’re welcome.

Please go vote now.