"Only you, and maybe two other authors, could get me out of the house on a Tuesday night. It was so worth it. Maybe I'll conquer this creeping agoraphobia after all."
"I was secretly hoping you'd read my favorite passage, where _______ discovers that _________ did _________, but the one you chose was even better."
"The [name of fairly well-known author] recommended your book to me. She literally cried, because she found it so moving, but also I think because she wanted to have written it."
"Thank you for the narrator you chose. He made the book into a night at the theater every time I listened, and so I hired him to do my book, and he was just as fantastic." [okay, that one only applies to Rebecca.]
"Do you play music when you write?" [if, yes] Can you post a playlist on your substack?"
This was amazing and I loved it, AND I was super curious by the “'How do you balance being a mother with being a writer?' NO" bit. On the one hand, I completely get this because it's not like men are asked this on a routine basis. But also, as a mother myself with a fulltime day job who is desperately trying to find 15 seconds to write "on the side," HOW DO YOU BALANCE BEING A MOTHER WITH BEING A WRITER?! In all seriousness, how. Is it drugs? It's drugs, isn't it. Can I buy some? Hahahaha that's a joke (eye twitches). But in all seriousness, I want names.
I'm being hyperbolic for sure... When an actual parent asks me that, and they clearly want to know bc it's something they're struggling with, I can totally tell and of course I'll talk about it forever. But the question (which is only ever asked of women!) always seems to come from men, or from women of an older generation, and it's always dripping with condescension and maybe even concern. I should probably do an actual post on this (my answers) at some point... My kids are 12 and 15 now, so I feel like I've kind of partly made it through?
Yes, please write more about this! I think about this a lot -- maybe weekly? -- and I always look up my favorite writers for clues. I find that there three main camps -- women with no children, women who seem to downplay the fact that they have kids for whatever reason (totally valid!), and mommy-writers. I don't know how to talk about this topic without falling into the third camp (as if that's a bad thing?!). Is it possible to admit that you're a primary caregiver AND be taken seriously as a "non-mommy" writer? Am I overthinking this?! My kids are 7, 4, and 2, so this has been my life for awhile now.
I could not love this more. Funny and informative. The hand gestures I would add are the chef's kiss "It's a feat!" and jazz hands "It's a feat!" or la barbe "It's a feat!"
Here is one: Don't ask an author questions about her contract at a group discussion. (Someone asked me about my film/TV rights and I didn't know the answer but moreover wanted to say "We all know nobody is going to turn this into a TV show or movie so why are you asking? Just to be mean?")
Thanks for another great installment! I've copied the "good-book-event-questions" bit and plan to ask you one of them on March 2nd during your reading at Green Apple Books in S.F.
This post was great, what a feat!
Good other things to say: [BE SPECIFIC]
"Only you, and maybe two other authors, could get me out of the house on a Tuesday night. It was so worth it. Maybe I'll conquer this creeping agoraphobia after all."
"I was secretly hoping you'd read my favorite passage, where _______ discovers that _________ did _________, but the one you chose was even better."
"The [name of fairly well-known author] recommended your book to me. She literally cried, because she found it so moving, but also I think because she wanted to have written it."
"Thank you for the narrator you chose. He made the book into a night at the theater every time I listened, and so I hired him to do my book, and he was just as fantastic." [okay, that one only applies to Rebecca.]
"Do you play music when you write?" [if, yes] Can you post a playlist on your substack?"
-“How do you balance being a mother with being a writer?” NO. - GOD BLESS YOU.
This was amazing and I loved it, AND I was super curious by the “'How do you balance being a mother with being a writer?' NO" bit. On the one hand, I completely get this because it's not like men are asked this on a routine basis. But also, as a mother myself with a fulltime day job who is desperately trying to find 15 seconds to write "on the side," HOW DO YOU BALANCE BEING A MOTHER WITH BEING A WRITER?! In all seriousness, how. Is it drugs? It's drugs, isn't it. Can I buy some? Hahahaha that's a joke (eye twitches). But in all seriousness, I want names.
I'm being hyperbolic for sure... When an actual parent asks me that, and they clearly want to know bc it's something they're struggling with, I can totally tell and of course I'll talk about it forever. But the question (which is only ever asked of women!) always seems to come from men, or from women of an older generation, and it's always dripping with condescension and maybe even concern. I should probably do an actual post on this (my answers) at some point... My kids are 12 and 15 now, so I feel like I've kind of partly made it through?
I look forward to that post, definitely.
Yes, please write more about this! I think about this a lot -- maybe weekly? -- and I always look up my favorite writers for clues. I find that there three main camps -- women with no children, women who seem to downplay the fact that they have kids for whatever reason (totally valid!), and mommy-writers. I don't know how to talk about this topic without falling into the third camp (as if that's a bad thing?!). Is it possible to admit that you're a primary caregiver AND be taken seriously as a "non-mommy" writer? Am I overthinking this?! My kids are 7, 4, and 2, so this has been my life for awhile now.
I could not love this more. Funny and informative. The hand gestures I would add are the chef's kiss "It's a feat!" and jazz hands "It's a feat!" or la barbe "It's a feat!"
Your posts invariably make me laugh ... and think, too! Best posts ever!
Here is one: Don't ask an author questions about her contract at a group discussion. (Someone asked me about my film/TV rights and I didn't know the answer but moreover wanted to say "We all know nobody is going to turn this into a TV show or movie so why are you asking? Just to be mean?")
THANK you. So much more humane and kind!
Superb advice, each word!!!
I love this. So, so true.
You are the best
Rbecca Makkai that was a feat!!!! And very enlightning, and very funny. Merci beaucoup.
Thanks for another great installment! I've copied the "good-book-event-questions" bit and plan to ask you one of them on March 2nd during your reading at Green Apple Books in S.F.
Can't wait :-)
So good! 💯 % right on.
Loved all of this, and appreciate the thoughtful questions to consider at a book event!